I'm the Secretary

Journal Entry ~ March 3rd 2011

I’m really excited that Steve wants to adopt, really I am, but to be honest, I want to be sure that this isn’t just an emotional response to seeing children in need. I really need to be sure that Steve is in 100%, because I know the road ahead is going to be very long……the paper work before the adoption, and even more so, having the addition to our family afterwards. I really never want him to feel that he was coerced (by me anyway, if God coerces Him that’s none of my business).

So I have intentionally not really done a lot to get the paperwork going. For those of you who know us, you know that I am the secretary for our lives. I write the letters, make the phone calls, and set the calendar. So of course, in this situation, Steve expected me to pick up the duties of calling and getting information. But I’ve been holding off, just to be sure.

Today was the second time in a week Steve has asked me how I’m doing, what information I have figured out. In fact tonight he was encouraging me to pick up the pace a little. He is convincing me that he means this. That he is in. I am thrilled.

Tonight when I turned on Steve’s phone he had a picture of kids from the orphanage as his home screen. Steve, Mr. Not Going to Get Excited about much is getting excited. I have had a hard time holding it together today. I have been overwhelmed by God’s faithfulness and revelling in answered hope. I am hesitant to lean into these feelings of joy because I’ve checked my emotions for so long. I am still in a bit of shock. Happy, thrilled, scared, excited, worried, fretting about money, giddy with anticipation…….all over the map.

I can’t believe Steve is on board and nagging me to get stuff done, and I am humbled and in awe of this answered prayer.