We are waiting for Mission of Tears to call back. Maybe we'll hear this week if they'll work with us.
It feels like a delicate balance as we are ridiculously anxious to hear, but don't want to appear rude or over "child specific" (asking for certain child) so as to scare away the agency we need to help us.
I really really hope they'll pick us up.
I feel like I should do the "what if we can't have her" conversation with Steve, but I'm afraid of his answer. Such a beautiful little treasure. Is she mine? Is she the one the Lord has for us? Today, I can hardly fathom saying, fine, not her then, it can be anyone.
There aren't words to describe how to feel about a child who is mine, but not yet mine. I feel like I'm betraying them by living each day in comfort and ease while they are hungry and cold. Lonely.
That feeling you get when your world has screeched to a halt and you can't believe that everyone else is carrying on as if nothing has changed.
I feel like everything should stop until we get this figured out.
It is overwhelming to think of the details. Each little step we need to get done, each huge step we need to get done. But there is no other option but to do each step, painfully and slowly. We have an appointment with a social worker tomorrow to see if he's a good fit to do our home study.
One small step at a time......
I do understand that feeling very well Andrea, that you feel like the world should stop and acknowledge at least what you are walking through. It is a hard place to be... May the Lord guide and direct your footsteps each step of the way, and give you peace if He should say no to one child over another. He knows you and your waiting child better than anyone, and He knows exactly what you all need and when. The patient endurance is the hard part. I am honoured to share (at least in word) in your journey.
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